In the self-development classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie we learn a multitude of approaches to get the most out of our contacts with other people, be it in relationships, business interactions or other contexts. We discuss these approaches and focus on how they relate to your counterpart’s ego – what drives them in the short and the long run respectively. We also include some of the lessons for the digital age that were added in the updated edition that came out a few years ago.
00:40 Brief intro HTWF&IP by Dale Carnegie
1:35 Why is HTWF&IP relevant in Factor 2.9? Because Social interactions are important in several ways.
2:40 How to Win Friends and Influence Poeple In the Digital Age
3:10 Our important ego with its short term and long term wishes
4:40 People often do not want to be challenged in their opinions
6:25 Be careful with the other person’s short term ego
6:55 The three main themes of this discussion: respect the short term ego, finding the other person’s why and creating value for their why
7:40 Try to gauge the other person’s biochemical state
8:55 Feel compassion with other people’s actions because they’re not in full control
9:25 “To know all is to forgive all”
10:00 Always try to leave people a bit better off than they were when you met them
10:15 Don’t assign other people’s mistakes to their characteristics
11:40 Try to take some pressure off the other person when they make mistakes
12:20 Focus on the good aspects of the situation at hand
13:50 Don’t criticize, argue, complain or condemn
15:55 Keep your own ego in check – hard when stressed, so take a time-out
18:00 Never use the phrase “You’re wrong!”
18:25 You are basically never entirely right in the objective sense
19:05 Is the thing you disagree about really worth getting upset about?
20:10 Let the other person save face
20:55 Admit to your own faults quickly
21:15 Start with “yes”!
22:15 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to (appeal to their nobler motives)
23:40 Finding the other person’s why by asking them questions
24:55 Listen carefully and be fully present to understand the other person
25:55 Incentivize the other person to find their meaning
26:40 Try a challenge
26:55 Use their why, put it to work
27:35 Meet people and give them real facetime
29:10 Be truly selfless and altruistic
29:40 Remember other people’s names
30:30 Give other people credit
31:00 Praise and encourage
31:25 Be grateful!
31:50 Have skin in the game: commit!
32:25 The Golden and the Silver Rules
33:00 But don’t use too many principles in your interactions
33:55 Most of this may seem evident…but we need to be reminded of it
34:40 Remember – you must be genuine in your interactions
35:20 Being genuinely positive is a two-edged sword
36:20 Thanks & bye
13:50 Ray Dalio: “Habits are the most powerful tool we have”.
14:00 Book: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
16:20 Tony Robbins in Unshakeable: Take 90 seconds off and breathe